Old Bert

So here’s my Blood Axe Shaman Kitbash.  Old Bert.   Also here is his custom objective marker, a sprout of his favourite ‘shrooms guarded by some loyal Snotlings.

Read on for Old Berts backstory…

Let me tell yoo abaat ol’ Bert.  Dat Shamman is not right in ‘is noggin’ let me tell yoo.  A real true weirdboy if ever I saw one.  He used to be a normal proper Boy like yooz lot ‘ere but sumfink ‘appened to him an now dat skull is glued on to ‘is ‘ead ‘an neva comes off.

‘Ow did it ‘appen?  *SMACK* I’m gettin’ to dat bit ya stoopid runt.

A long time ago we wuz fightin da umies somewhere where we used ta be, don’t matter where.  We waz gettin krumped too.  Dey ‘ad dis weirdboy of dere own an ‘e was smushin fings all over fanks to da warp.

A load of us ‘id in a cave where all deze sneaky snots lived where we cudn’t catch ’em an da next fing ya know da whole mountain side came smashin down and trapped us all.  A few of da lads tried blastin dere way out but dere was too much rock in da way.

Anyhow while we woz finkin’ ‘ow to escape, old Bert went wanderin’ deep into da cave.  Da ladz didn’t want ta go wiv ‘im as da cave ‘ad summink not right about it now we woz in dere.  Anyway we forgot about ‘im an’ reckoned ‘e wuz dead as ‘e was gone for ages.  Couldn’t tell in da dark ‘ow much time ‘ad past but we’d eaten a few of da ladz wot was injured so it must ‘av bin a day or two.

Aat of noffink dere was dis glow.  All green an’ ‘orrible it was.  We woz all panicked ‘as we didn’t know wot it woz.  Den dis Ork came aat of da dark.  Wearin’ dis great big bone ‘elmet he waz ‘an carryin a stick wiv an ork ‘ead on it made ov wood.  Araand ‘is feet was scurryin snots ‘oldin dese ‘shrooms we’d neva seen before.  Bogghy had a fink dat weze cud eat da snots an’ ‘e went ta grab one but just as he got close ‘iz whole ‘ead popped like da biggest boil yoo ‘eva did see.  Yoggz waz not da smartest an’ ‘e tried ta grab one of da snotz too an’ is ‘ead went bang just like Bogghy.  In da dark I swearz one of da snots was laffin at uz.

I said to da ladz,  d’ats Bert dat iz!  I knew ‘cos…well…I don’t know ‘ow but I did.  All me ‘air wuz standin on end too like an elek-trik.  Da boyz were lookin’ excited too, dere was summink in da air.

Old Bert sez to us “do yoo wantz ta get back into da fight ladz?” so we sez “course we do but dere’s a load of rocks blokkin da way”.

‘e sez it again “Do yoo wantz ta get to krump sum ‘umie skulls?”

Course now da ladz are gettin’ even more excited from summink.  So we all starts shoutin’ an raisin a rukkus.  Old Bert shoves one of dem ‘shrooms under is mask an as a good old chew an me an’ da boyz are feelin’ summink odd.  Weze all jumpin an gettin arr mad up.  Khabguz woz feelin’ it a bit more dan most cos ‘e brained himself out cold by tryin ta ‘eadbut his way ‘aat ov da cave.

Old Bert ‘as gotten a load more glowy now an he sez again “‘ooo wants to get back aat dere an show dem stinkin ‘umies wot ‘appens when we getz aat ov ‘ere”

I knew den dat he ‘ad da touch of green in him coz now ‘e was glowy summink chronic.  Weze all screamin aar ‘eads off enough ta wake Gork ‘imself.

Old Bert takes a step back an’ goes ta kick da rock.  I woz finkin “‘ows ‘e gonna shift it?” coz dat rock was da size of a propa stompa.  Anywayz ‘e kicks wiv all ‘iz might.  Now it might ‘av bin da excitement of finkin we woz gettin out or it might av bin summink else but I swear by Morks own teef Old Berts foot was glowin’ like noffink I’ve eva seen before an it woz da size of a trukk an ‘e kicked da whole stone from da cave right into da umie camp wot ‘ad not seen we woz trapped in it.  Smushed loads of ’em it did.

We charged out of dere an krumped ’em summink nasty.

Last fing I saw of dat ‘umie weird boy was ‘im gettin splatted by dat massive green foot again.

Wot a laff!

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About novafix

Part Man. Part Squirrel. All Pirate.
This entry was posted in Blood Axe, Games Workshop, Orks, Painting, Warhammer 40k and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Old Bert

  1. Ahaha wot a Laff indeed. Can you post more pix of Old Bert please? Good job

  2. Pingback: Da WAAAGH affects some Boyz more than others… | novafix

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